Sometimes Silence in Golden

Whether you have just begun dating or you are celebrating a Golden Anniversary, most partners are aware that communication is a crucial component in relationship happiness and satisfaction. Most self help books extol it, and most experts working with couples encourage and facilitate improved canada goose outlet authentic communication.

canada goose uk black friday A crucial but often overlooked communication skill for partners is knowing when it is best not to say anything. canada goose uk black friday

canada goose store This skill is not about suppression, quiet compliance, the silent treatment, dismissal or canada goose outlet store uk neglect. It is a choice that reflects attunement, empathy, regulation of emotions and prioritizing the bond you share. canada goose store

Canada Goose online Choosing when to be silent involves knowing when your comment, critique, opinion, question or news not only fails to canada goose outlet store near me add value it makes matters worse! Canada Goose online

While there are always differences among couples relative to their personal histories and dynamics, here are some situations that many face for which the decision not to say anything may be best.

Despite the fact that every self help book for couples recommends that canada goose outlet online uk unless asked, don’t give advice most of us err in favor of «just trying to help.»

Actually on close reflection, it is often our own sense of anxiety and helplessness in face ofa partner’s distress that throws us into advice mode. We have to do something!

cheap Canada Goose Listening https://www.goosecanada.ca with eye to eye contact and hand to hand reach is far more powerful than unsolicited advice. A partner who feels your support is more empowered to solve his/her problem canada goose outlet belgium and will more likely ask for help if needed. cheap Canada Goose

» I know just what he/she is going to say!»

canada goose uk shop As much as you think you know your partner think again. What makes a relationship interesting and vital is recognizing what you still don’t know about each other. canada goose uk shop

With this in mind, one verbal talent you may want to drop is the compulsion to finish your partner’s sentence. (trust me) Listening instead of speaking puts you in a position to hear what you may or may not expect from your partner.

Finishing your partner’s sentence sabotages dialogue and often shuts down present and future discussion. This precludes more knowing.

When you do this to your partner in public the audience is sent the message that he/she cannot speak for himself/herself or that you need to be in control neither option is desirable.

canada goose uk outlet «My hair looks great? That’s ridiculous. You know I hate my hair.» canada goose uk outlet

Sometimes a childhood history can take its canada goose outlet store new york toll on self esteem or you can hit a tough time in life when a job or ahealth situation saps too much of your confidence. These are times when having a loving and affirming partner can be a powerful source for healing and restoring self. While these are times when nothing feels right, verbally undoing a compliment disqualifies something important a little bit of light sent in by someone who loves you.

Positive emotions have the unique quality of broadening and building both social and psychological resources. canada goose outlet black friday sale Accepting a compliment is a positive exchange for both of you.

It is inevitable that partners will complain about their families of origin and will enjoy the support of the other in seeing it their way.

What never works, however, is feeling entitled to verbally criticize, belittle or put down your partner’s family. Yes, you have heard about these people. Yes, you have felt outraged and protective of your partner. But your partner needs you to hear it and contain the feelingsrather thancommenting on how outrageous or unacceptable his/her familymay be.

Canada Goose Online As difficult asit mayfeel, it is emotionally more supportive to listen than tospeakbecause regardless of whether families are bad or good, most people feel connected with them. Canada Goose Online

Often adult children of dysfunctional families carry considerable canada goose outlet store toronto shame and self blame which is exacerbated when someone reminds them about it. Needing to feel different and vital, your partner prefers that you focus more on him/her than the family of origin.

Listening is what no one may have done in the childhood your partner finally has someone willing to do that you.

As much as it is very valuable for couples to share experiences together, it isalso importantto showrespect for and encouragement of each other’s passions and interests in other people, places and things.

Canada Goose Parka Think twice about verbally intruding into your partner’s recreation or workspace. Canada Goose Parka

canada goose clearance Does he really need to hear about the painter’s estimate in the middle of the game? canada goose clearance

Does she really need canada goose outlet store quebec a call about your 5th grader’s science project at her book club?

He does care about the news of your brother in law but not in the middle of his workday.

She may not fully appreciate your enthusiasm about discount plane fares if she has to hear about it in the hallway at cheap canada goose work.

When partners feel that their time and spaceare respected, they usually can’t wait to share and hear what the other has to say.